it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
