I wish they made helmets for livers.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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