Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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