bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
