i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
