Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
