Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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