the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
