So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
