party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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