I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
