i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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