At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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