she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
