I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
