dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Houston, we have a squirter
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
