i can't believe i had my finger in that
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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