Whod you bang
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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