i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just google imaged poop.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
