Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
