Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
