May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
