He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
