walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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