cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
