I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm at about main and main street
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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