It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
