All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
