You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
