Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
