if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
