Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
