His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
