i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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