No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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