you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
