You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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