i permit you to call me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My ass is underappreciated
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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