I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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