.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
