dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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