he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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