You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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