its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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