i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
