The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Randomize
