wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
