I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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