I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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