just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
