tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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