Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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