as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
