Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize