My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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