Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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