whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
