Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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