Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
