nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
