So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
