When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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