where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
