she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
