So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
