Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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