we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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