She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
