It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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