She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need a burrito and a hug.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
