dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
