do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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