I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
